Who me? Mentor?

You assert that “the best everyone can be is an approximation” (p. 62). How does that shape our approach to becoming part of a pilgrim band?

I have observed that the greatest barrier both to mentoring and to mutual mentoring (pilgrim band) is the belief that “I am not ready" or that “I am not good enough, wise enough, etc.” Sometimes this is a result of low self-esteem caused by experiences of trauma or victimization, sometimes by the culture of competition that dominates modern society. Inner doubts about self-worth are often covered up by self-deceptions like “I don't have time" or “I'm not a good communicator.”

                Yet the fact remains that if you have any sense of humility in life, desire for God, experience of the Holy, hope for the future; and if you can recall any relationship that helped you to have these things, or any team in which you acquired self-discipline to improve yourself; then you are “ready". Perfection is not a requirement. When we approximate our ideals, even in the smallest way, we can grow into the image of what God wants us to become.

                This is like the contrast between “truth" and “truing". Modernity encourages us to believe that we must first know ourselves and then act in ways that conform to that knowledge. For example, we take all of these personality and gifts inventories to know who we are, and then behave accordingly, anxiously avoiding things that might change us, grow us, or take us beyond the norms of who we “know" we are. The ancient way is to gain self-knowledge through participation rather than analysis. I can, and will become, different than I am now.

                Often (but not always) the pilgrim band forms with mentees around a mentor, but soon everyone is simultaneously mentor and mentee with the others. One cannot be a mentor without being a mentee; and cannot be a mentee without becoming a mentor.

                I think it is worth noting at this point that “being ready" for mentoring or mutual mentoring is ultimately not really up to us to determine. Mentoring relationships, or pilgrim bands, are often not what we choose but what choose us. They occur on the boundaries of life, lifestyle, and lifecycle. They find us when we are in a state of anxiety on the one hand, and ecstasy on the other, and we feel compelled to talk seriously with someone. And often that “someone" appears.

                As Christians, our self-depreciation often parallels our lack of faith … and our doubts about God often encourage lack of self-esteem. Spirit is constantly working in our lives, both in the inner workings of our minds, and in the outer workings of culture and circumstance. The more we let go of the compulsions of controlling reason, and free our souls and perceptions of God from the boxes in which we try to contain them, the more likely we are to find diverse companionships that help us on our way from approximation to ideal.